Journal Entry January 14th, 2008:
Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. Because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience, in which you yourselves once walked when you lived with them.
Once walked…How many times do I find myself still walking in those things – in fornication, sexual immorality, in uncleanness, the vile thoughts and actions that come from such putrid behavior, the passion, living and behaving on impulse, desiring things I ought not to have, and things that were not allowed to me, and coveting those things which are not mine, and thus making myself a worshiper of those things. Oh that I would be free of the flesh! But we are commanded to put to death, which seems to indicate that this is possible, and it is a choice! I am to be walking in the Spirit, which this too is a choice that I must make. I perceive that it is far more difficult to do these things when I am alone, for there is no one to perform for – and I am left to see myself as I truly am, and oh the battle that ensues, and how many times I falter, and am struck down by that vile flesh and made to plunge in the vomit and stools of this world! And how I am deceived by none other than myself that I enjoy this! So that I am rinsing my mouth in the diarrhea, sniffing up the stench as though I were walking by a rose garden, and lathering my hair and body in the puke that ensues from the most vile mouths! Yes this is a gross depiction, oh, but how accurate it is when we understand the vileness of that sin that we pretend and try to so much enjoy!