Journal Entry January 14th, 2008:
Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. Because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience, in which you yourselves once walked when you lived with them.
Once walked…How many times do I find myself still walking in those things – in fornication, sexual immorality, in uncleanness, the vile thoughts and actions that come from such putrid behavior, the passion, living and behaving on impulse, desiring things I ought not to have, and things that were not allowed to me, and coveting those things which are not mine, and thus making myself a worshiper of those things. Oh that I would be free of the flesh! But we are commanded to put to death, which seems to indicate that this is possible, and it is a choice! I am to be walking in the Spirit, which this too is a choice that I must make. I perceive that it is far more difficult to do these things when I am alone, for there is no one to perform for – and I am left to see myself as I truly am, and oh the battle that ensues, and how many times I falter, and am struck down by that vile flesh and made to plunge in the vomit and stools of this world! And how I am deceived by none other than myself that I enjoy this! So that I am rinsing my mouth in the diarrhea, sniffing up the stench as though I were walking by a rose garden, and lathering my hair and body in the puke that ensues from the most vile mouths! Yes this is a gross depiction, oh, but how accurate it is when we understand the vileness of that sin that we pretend and try to so much enjoy!
Am I not a child of God?! Has God, the Father, through God the Son, indwelt me with the Spirit, and clothed me in His blood, and taken that vile flesh that had so deceived me in thinking that my all in all was in the crap and vomit of this world (what high ambitions I had! sarcasm) and broke the bonds that held my head submerged in the vomit and feces and cleansed me from all of this worlds excretions and made me His own child?! And yet how often do I go back to the pool of human waste and go for a quick swim? Oh, the Lord is faithful and just to cleanse me from the foul stench of the world when I confess my sin of abandoning His commandments for perceived pleasures, but how much better to maintain an unbroken relationship with the Lord and to enjoy a perpetual enjoyment and to lose not one reward of eternal bliss in His presence? To have no part in hindering my sanctification, but always participating as I ought and to present myself a living sacrifice, as with the rest of the Church of His redemptive work on Calvary? How much better to continue to strive for the upward calling, to press on for the prize of that finish line of glorification, in which I shall be made into a perfect child of God, worshipping and serving Him as I ought to without sin! (Oh, that this was that day!)
Why must I allow myself to find the filth of this world appealing when I have been adopted into the family of God? I know now, as I knew then, it is a choice. Oh for the grace of God to make the right choice in the heat of the moment. To be able to see the vomit and waste as what it is, and the beauty of the pure and unhindered walk with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ for the splendor that it is! May I hate sin with a perfect and astounding hatred, and may I love the grace of God with a far more abounding affection! May it be so. Amen.
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